I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.